I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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