I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
