All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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