Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
