you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
