I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
