if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
