At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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