he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
