sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
