batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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