what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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