In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
