So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
MIDGETS
????
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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