cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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