what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
