If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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