I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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