I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
