I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
