Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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