it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
