You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
