Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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