Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
