I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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