Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
