She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
