Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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