i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize