I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
