I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
