Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
