He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
