Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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