pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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