Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she looked like the before picture.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Randomize
