At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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