Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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