About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
