no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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