the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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