STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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