our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
