Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
