how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
