i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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