So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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