fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
