I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
