HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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