if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
