I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
