Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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