I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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