yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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