She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
