Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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