Whatcha textin bout Willis?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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