I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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