She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
