apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
