he wants to bone in the snuggie
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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